Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Soldiering On

I suppose the reason why you should only buy exactly the right house is because ideally, you would then never venture again through this deep trench of hell called a house hunt.

We didn't get that darling house (I'm going to call it Porches from now on). The owners accepted a bid before ours came through. It was a heart breaker for me. Even though Annie says, "don't move in until you MOVE IN," how can I help it? If I like a house enough to bid my future on it, then I want to be excited about it. And also, Tim and I are the type who do get excited about possibility, and I think to try to change that, to become more aloof to protect our hearts, well, that would be like trying to change who we are at our core.

So in the meantime, I, at least, am nursing a broken heart, but am looking on to other possibilities. Going to see two other places tomorrow; Annie already has contracts drawn up for each, in case I like them as much as Tim did yesterday.

It seems pretty odd to make a decision so quickly on a house that will affect the rest of our lives. (Or, at least the next 10 or so years.) I still have Porches on the brain, and nothing will really compare to it. (At least not for the next week or so.) So seeing others and trying to get excited about their own, individual possibility seems unrealistic, and unfair.

After losing out on several, though, I feel like we are narrowing down our Want List, which I suppose makes the search more streamlined. The first house (we call Shakespeare) sold us on specifics about backyards, and decks. The second (the Holy Kitchen), basements. Porches, well: porches. Also, the desire to punch holes in the ceiling and install windy staircases.

Immediately upon hearing the news of the Porches loss, I started this post. Wasn't much in a place to hear what people inevitably say, "Oh, that just means an even better one is right around the corner for you!" Or, even worse, "It just takes time. You'll find one." I don't really want to hear that. I want mostly some affirmation: "That sucks. A lot."

But now, a day later, I'm in a new mindset, preparing to see several new houses tomorrow, and putting in bids. Thinking about how cozy a smaller house would be, instead of how cramped. See? Soldiering on.

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